You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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