Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm both gender and math confused
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
