He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize