Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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