I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
