I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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