plz talk dirty to me
she smelled like a LAN party
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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