ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
