he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
