is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
