her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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