I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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