I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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