Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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