Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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