Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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