I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
