You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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