I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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