just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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