I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
