How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So here I am, sexting at work.
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