did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
"it" just moved
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
