I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
