It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
