we're chasing vodka with high fives
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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