if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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