I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
