i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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