My first STD was from a foam party
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sober January is a disaster.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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