I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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