im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
