I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
