I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize