i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
