Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
