and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you didnt know i had herpes?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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