very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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