Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
