A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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