I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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