im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
