I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if only i could text you this smell
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
