u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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