This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
