You work out of a Hotel?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
