idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
