he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
