the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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