My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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