You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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