She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize