I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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