direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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