I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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