I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
