i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
