Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
