I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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