Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
