tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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