She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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