yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize