I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
