; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
