The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
