she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
