I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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