ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
