Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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