Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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