She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
