Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
