Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
