Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
