I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So much rum. So many feels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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