worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
