Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
