Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
