My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
