I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
