**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize