i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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